Imagine that you’re trying to help a friend who keeps making the same mistake, and you think you have the perfect solution. But every time you share it, they shut down, or worse, get defensive. Sound familiar?
Perhaps it’s not the words used, but the delivery of the message. I’ve learned this the hard way over the years: how you show up matters just as much as what you say. Perhaps, it’s the difference between preaching, teaching, and sharing.
Preaching usually comes from a good place; we care, and we want to help. But when we preach, it sounds like we’ve got it all figured out and everyone else just needs to follow our lead. The message becomes “you should do this” or “you need to understand that.” The advice may be sound, but most people don’t enjoy being talked at. It puts them on the defensive and may leave them feeling judged. I’ve done this myself more times than I’d like to admit, especially with people I care about. The intentions were right, but the delivery was wrong.
Teaching softens that stance. It’s about offering information, context, and perspective to help others learn and grow. Good teaching respects that the other person has their own experiences and ways of thinking. It says, “Here’s what I know, and here’s how it might help you.” Teaching is generous; it gives people room to consider the information for themselves, which lands much better than preaching.
But sharing? That’s where the magic happens. When you share, you’re simply opening up about your own experience. “Here’s what worked for me.” “Here’s something I struggled with, too.” “Here’s what I’m still figuring out.” Sharing levels the conversation. You’re not the expert telling someone how to live; you’re another human being who has been in their shoes, or had similar experiences, offering your story. People tend to lean in when they feel that authenticity and openness.
I didn’t always get this. As a member of the Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO), I’ve experienced one of the biggest benefits: the Forum. These are small groups where we meet regularly to talk through business and life challenges. Before joining, members go through Forum training to learn how to communicate in these meetings. When I first attended, I remember thinking, “I don’t need this, I already know how to communicate.” Then the facilitator introduced “Gestalt”, where instead of giving advice, you speak from your own experience. It was like a light bulb went off.
As entrepreneurs, we hate taking advice. After all, who knows our businesses better than we do? But when someone shares their own story, it’s much easier to listen and take something away. That lesson stuck with me and changed how I show up, not just in Forum, but in leadership, friendships, and even at home.
Whether you’re leading a team, mentoring someone, parenting, or catching up with an old friend, shifting from preaching to teaching, and even better, to sharing, opens the door to real connection. People don’t want to be fixed; they want to be seen, heard, and supported.
Next time you catch yourself about to give advice, pause and ask: “How can I share my experience instead of prescribing a solution?”
“Share your truth. It’s what connects us, not divides us.” – Brené Brown
If you’ve got a story where this showed up for you, I’d love to hear it, or feel free to pass this along to someone who might enjoy the reminder.
Have a great weekend.
-Vijay