I had lunch recently with my 9-year-old niece, which always guarantees at least one moment that makes me rethink my entire worldview. We were talking about food, what she loves, what she tolerates, and what’s on her personal no-eat list. Steak frites, she told me, is firmly in the “love” column. But then she added, completely straight-faced, “I don’t like meat” when I offered her a buffalo wing. An enigma wrapped in a conundrum. How does one adore steak and dislike meat?
Being the curious uncle I am, I asked how she knew she didn’t like meat unless she tried it. Without missing a beat, she said she had: “Chicken, turkey, and fish.” All tried, judged, and dismissed. I suggested that maybe if they were prepared differently, she would like them, and suggested she give them another chance. She looked at me with that perfect kid-logic expression and asked, “Why?”. I offered my sage, uncle-level wisdom: “You should try everything twice.” She quickly let me know she had tried most of them twice. At that point, who was I to argue with a 9-year-old? 😊
That conversation stayed with me, not because of her culinary contradictions, but because of the clarity behind them. She knew what she liked and what she didn’t because she experienced it. She didn’t assume, overthink, or try to talk herself out of her convictions. She didn’t even pause to consider that there could be an answer other than no!
As adults, we lose that clarity: We hesitate to ask for what we need because we don’t want to be seen as needy or weak, and we avoid asking for favors because we don’t want to impose. We don’t ask questions because we worry they might sound obvious. We may even hold back from reaching out because we assume the answer will be no. But the reality is, we don’t know the answer unless we ask. And often, people are far more willing to help than we think.
A simple ask or willingness to try something again can change everything and open doors. From clarifying a situation, deepening a relationship, discovering something new, or giving you exactly what you need in that moment. Yet we reject ourselves before anyone else even gets a chance. Next time you find yourself ready with an automatic “no”, consider saying “yes” and trying it instead. Trying and/or asking doesn’t guarantee a win, but it will open the door to information, possibility, and momentum. It will also either turn assumptions into clarity or, at the very least, reconfirm the clarity you had.
Think of one thing you’ve been hesitating to ask for or try: help, advice, a connection, a favor, a conversation. Now ask one small question, one small outreach, or try one small activity or dish.
The answer might surprise you.
“If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.” – Nora Roberts
And if you’re open to it, what’s something you’ve been holding back from asking for? I’d genuinely love to hear it.
Have a great weekend.
-Vijay