Have you ever caught yourself avoiding something you should do because it will be good for you? I do it all the time. Just yesterday, I spent my free time scrolling through social media instead of working out on the rower as I had promised myself I would do. A workout that I knew would boost my mood and clear my mind. So why procrastinate?
It’s a curious paradox; we want well-being but often resist the very actions that would allow us to achieve it. Whether it’s exercise, healthy eating, doctor appointments (even when we have worrying symptoms), hard conversations, or situations that no longer serve us well, we often delay dealing with them. It is not that we don’t care about ourselves, we do. So, what causes us to resist?
Often, fear is the culprit. Change, even positive change, means venturing into the unknown and changing our habits. As humans, we have a natural predilection towards predictable, and comfortable rather than new. “Better the devil you know,” as the saying goes. Familiar paths don’t demand the same mental or emotional energy as a new path does. Sometimes we are simply exhausted, and we don’t have the bandwidth to change, even when change is what we really want and is better for us. Culture may also play a small role, growing up many of us absorbed the idea that prioritizing our own well-being is selfish or indulgent. We learned to put ourselves last and now wonder why we feel depleted.
I’ve found that curiosity helps me the most when I find myself avoiding what would nourish me. I ask myself, “What’s going on here? What am I afraid of? What do I need right now?” It doesn’t always work (note I still scrolled instead of rowed yesterday) but it does remind me that even small steps matter. Each time I choose something that supports my well-being, especially when resistance is strong, I build trust in myself. It’s like making a small promise and keeping it, again and again.
And I’ve found that when I care for myself despite resistance, everything else improves. I feel better for having accomplished the goal. My work is more focused, my relationships are better, and I have more to give because I’m not constantly running on empty. Resistance doesn’t disappear completely (probably never will), but it loosens its grip when met with patience and compassion instead of judgment.
If any of this resonates, know you are in good company. We’re all figuring it out together. Maybe today offers one small choice that brings you closer to what you truly need, not because you “should,” but because you matter.
“People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures.” – F.M. Alexander
I’d love to hear about your experiences with resistance, or how you’ve found your way through it. Sharing our stories reminds us that we’re not alone in this beautifully complicated human experience.
Have a productive weekend.
Vijay