Have you ever drafted an email or a text, poured your heart into it, and then… never hit send? I have. More than once. It might be a response to a frustrating or difficult situation, or it could just be something I need to say “out loud” before I can let it go. So, I write it all out, every messy, honest word (not unlike this blog, lol!). And then I sit with it, in my draft file. Often, that’s where it ends.
The message stays in draft, not because I’m afraid to send it, but because writing it was the point. It gave me the space to process and reflect, without escalating the situation further or getting validation. There’s power in that kind of pause.
A few years ago, I was furious with a colleague who had undermined me in a meeting. I drafted a message, sharp, justified, and ready to launch. I waited, and twenty-four hours later, I reread it and realized it wasn’t about resolution; it was about venting. So, I rewrote it, this time, with curiosity rather than blame. I sent the second version, and rather than a blow-up, we had a productive conversation. However, there are times when I don’t send anything at all. I write, breathe, and let it go. The act of writing was the resolution.
This isn’t about avoiding hard conversations. Some things need to be said. But there’s a difference between reacting and responding. Reacting often escalates, responding opens doors. The practice is simple: write it without a filter (and without putting a name in the “send field” to be safe). Say what you need to say, then step away. Revisit it later and ask yourself: What am I really trying to accomplish?
Sometimes you’ll realize the writing was enough. Sometimes you’ll rewrite with a calmer mind. And sometimes, your first draft still holds up. But now, you’re choosing consciously, not reflexively.
In our instant-everything world, this pause before reacting is not how we are conditioned to handle issues. We are used to responding fast. But not every thought needs to be shared the moment we feel it. Sometimes, the wisest thing you can do is write it out, feel the relief, and let silence speak. The messages we never send often teach us the most. They reveal our triggers, our patterns, and the kind of person we want to be when no one’s watching.
So, the next time you feel that surge of emotion begging to be expressed, try giving it space on the page first. You might find the person who needed to hear it most… was you.
“Don’t react. Respond. Reacting is instinctive. Responding is thoughtful.” – Buddha
Have you ever written a message you never sent, but came out the other side with more clarity or peace? I’d love to hear what it taught you. Or share this with someone who might be wrestling with a message of their own.
Have a great weekend.
-Vijay