Difficult conversations are inevitable in corporate life, they just are. A meeting derails because feedback is perceived as overly critical, or an idea gets dismissed because we feel the person delivering is always abrasive or perhaps doesn’t have the experience we believe they should in order to weigh in. Sometimes, we may even just simply not like the person speaking. Tuning out and disengaging or pushing back are natural emotional responses to these situations. But when we react that way, we risk missing valuable insights that could lead to meaningful improvements.
The key in these situations is to separate emotion from the message; easier said than done! When feedback is delivered poorly, whether it’s sharp, dismissive, or overly forceful, it’s easy to focus on the delivery rather than the content. However, stepping back and considering the content rather than the tone of the message allows us to find the substance. Often, there’s something worth exploring, even if it’s buried beneath a difficult delivery.
Equally important is the ability to separate the message from the messenger. It’s common to judge ideas based on who is presenting them. If a respected colleague offers input, we listen with an open mind. But if someone with a more challenging personality speaks up, we might dismiss their ideas outright. This is short-sighted. Even difficult individuals can contribute valuable perspectives, and by focusing on what’s being said rather than who is saying it, we avoid overlooking opportunities for innovation or growth.
Once the emotional and personal layers are stripped away, the next step is to zero in on actionable takeaways. Not every critique or suggestion will be useful, but often, there’s at least one insight that can spark improvement. Does the feedback reveal a blind spot? Is there a specific change that could strengthen the approach? Shifting focus from what’s wrong to what can be done ensures that even tough conversations remain productive.
Finally, look for the positive, even in challenging exchanges. Perhaps the critique wasn’t perfectly delivered, but it highlights an important issue. I am guilty of this…I sometimes deliver the message with no background and move on, usually when I am in a hurry. Maybe an idea wasn’t presented well, but it inspires a better one. By consciously seeking out the value in difficult moments, you grow from them and model resilience and objectivity for those around you.
Navigating difficult conversations with this mindset transforms them from sources of frustration into opportunities for growth. The next time you’re faced with harsh feedback or a challenging personality, pause and ask yourself: What’s the one valuable takeaway here? Often, the greatest insights come from unexpected places.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor E. Frankl
If this perspective resonates with you, consider sharing it with a colleague or reflecting on a moment when a tough conversation revealed an unexpected breakthrough. Some of the best lessons emerge when we look past the surface and focus on what truly matters.
Have a great weekend.
-Vijay