I have a tendency to interrupt people. I’d like to say it’s because I’m so interested that I can’t contain my enthusiasm, but that would only be partially true. The less flattering explanation is that I’m impatient. I’ll listen to the speaker up to a point. But somewhere along the way, I’ll decide I already know the ending, I’ve figured out the next three steps, and am ready to move the conversation along. Why take two minutes to get somewhere when we can get there in thirty seconds?
I never thought much about it until someone pointed out that I interrupt people. I don’t remember exactly when or even who said it, but I remember what happened afterward. I started noticing it. I’d be in a conversation and would notice myself jumping in before the other person had finished. Sometimes I’d catch myself preparing my response while they were still talking. Other times, I’d feel the urge to interrupt coming and would consciously remind myself to wait. I probably wasn’t interrupting people any more than I had before, but now I noticed it.
And once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it.
I wish I could tell you the realization immediately turned me into a patient listener who waits thoughtfully for everyone to finish before responding. It did not. I still interrupt people. The difference is that now there are times when I’m completely aware that I’m doing it while I’m doing it. Apparently, recognition of a bad habit and elimination of that habit are two entirely different things. 🤨
Every once in a while, I catch myself before I jump in. There’s a small moment when my brain says, “I know where this is going,” but I make myself wait anyway. Sometimes I catch it immediately afterward. And, yes, sometimes I don’t catch it until much later. The progress is hardly dramatic, but there is now a space between the impulse and the action that wasn’t there before.
I’ve started wondering how many other things in our lives work the same way. We all have behaviors, reactions, and patterns that have been with us for years. Maybe someone points out that we get defensive in certain situations, or perhaps we check our phone instinctively whenever there is a pause in a conversation. We complain about how busy we are while continuing to say yes to things we don’t want to do, or we recognize that we react differently to the same idea depending on who suggests it. Until someone points it out, or until we somehow notice it ourselves, none of it feels particularly significant. It’s simply what we do.
Then the lights come on. We tend to think growth begins when we change something, but I’m not sure that’s true. Sometimes, the start of growth is awareness, and changes come later. That can be frustrating because once we recognize a behavior, we naturally want to fix it. When we catch ourselves doing the same thing again, it can feel as though nothing has changed.
But something has. Yesterday, the behavior was automatic. Today, with that pause comes a choice. We may still choose the same behavior, but eventually we might catch ourselves soon enough to make a different choice. Awareness isn’t the finish line; it’s the point at which change becomes possible.
There are probably things about ourselves that the people closest to us see more clearly than we can. Some things we may eventually discover, and some may remain hidden for years. I’m not sure we need to go searching for every flaw or turn self-awareness into another project. But when something does become visible, perhaps we should pay attention to it rather than wish we had never noticed.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” – Carl Jung
What might the people around you already see that you haven’t noticed yet?
I still interrupt people. Hopefully, a little less than I used to.
But now I see it. And once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
Have a great weekend.
-Vijay